Sunday, October 18, 2009

At times I can seem rather aloof and very cold emotionally.

It's nothing to fear though. I am after all, without proper diagnosis, a schizoid.

A schizoid is defined as having most of the following:

  1. neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family
  2. almost always chooses solitary activities
  3. has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person
  4. takes pleasure in few, if any, activities
  5. lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives
  6. appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others
  7. shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affect
Generally it's difficult to really say if I fully have this disorder as it seems to come and go but I will say that after reading the profile it's possible that I do the best I can ignore these symptoms and lead a life that is free of complete solitude.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

This is my Religion [repost from Facebook]

I consider myself to be agnostic in the strictest sense of the word. The reason being: I only know as much as our senses tell us. Hold on because it's not as clear cut as that.

Humans have achieved so much in their short History on this planet. I'm still in wonder about how we can dream up an invention, medicine, procedure, story, art, technology, etc and create it with enough effort, time, and care. The ability to create anything at will is god-like and I for one am very satisfied with the stance that we ourselves are gods in our right. We may not be omniscient, omni-benevolent, omni-present but we're working on all these areas. Look how far we've come since our lowly beginnings. We are evolving into the very beings we worshiped for 1000s of years. We dreamed of beings high in the sky that gave us rain, love, better living, power, etc when all along we had these abilities all along within us just waiting to explode to the outside.

For this reason I worship no being but humanity. Through humanity I have seen a great many triumphs occur in making our lives better. I pray to no being but to humanity. Humanity has given us communication by which we can talk to anyone across the globe and far beyond. I have no faith in any being but humanity. Humans require large amounts faith in their ability to peacefully co-exist and co-habitate or else demise is their fate. I seek no salvation except from that of humans. Humans have always been there for me in the realest sense possible and I cherish it completely from each and everyone of them. I await no afterlife except that of the next life of the next human. The progress of humans depends on us carrying on with the next advancement that will make our lives better for the next generation of us.

The last of these is extremely important and I want to emphasis to everyone that we must all do our part in giving the gift of a life even better than of the ones humans enjoy in majority today (and hopefully eventually everyone).

Gods, goddesses, It's have served us well throughout our tenure on this planet and I thank them for their service in giving us an enlightened view of how we can live together and make the world a real heaven on Earth through peace and understanding. Like any good tool though we must only use it when it's necessary and not clutter up our work bench with things that will confuse our overall goals. These beings that were once very useful to our progress seem to be relics of a past life that didn't enjoy the ability to live so richly. Times in centuries past were dark and dreary and required some sort of 'force' to believe in to make sense of why life was so miserable. That time is slowly approaching a complete fade out.

Times are still tough but the optimistic of humans have seen the light and the light is human ingenuity. I can think of no better happiness and atonement then one where humans themselves eradicate disease, pain, and hunger. We can only do this if our minds our set to a life dedicated to worshiping human kind and spending it's love to the other walks of life as well.

So some may be asking how I'm agnostic when it seems clear that I've cast off any sort of notion of needing a god-source. fair enough. Let me explain.

Humans also have a dark side to them. This side has the potential to make life on Earth a living Hell. These humans want nothing better than to spread their short-sighted ideas and beliefs unto everyone in the world or have them face a damnation according to their will. This worries me. All that we've striven to achieve could be crushed very shortly and fast by one or a group of individuals whom care more about getting people in line with their belief system
or ideas. Most of my friends and acquaintances know me as a very big peacenik however when it comes to fighting ignorance and hate you better believe I'm as militaristic as they come. I'm glad to be fighting a war against discrimination, intolerance, and overall judgment and i won't stop until the world sees it as a set goal to stop fighting over nonsense and get together and make a world safe and enjoyable for everyone.

So yeah, you're damned right I'm agnostic. I'm agnostic in the belief that we can be gods but i'm not quite sure at this point due to the destruction I'm seeing from some of my fellow tribesmen.

Here's to me having complete faith in humanity and believing in it. Won't you please pray with me and help us seek salvation in ourselves?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Don't Let Your Ego Persuade You.

Person A: "That's very offensive. I don't think it's right of you to do that!"

Person B: "You're right. Let me fix that!"

Person A is now satisfied with the decision made to uphold his belief and the offending thing has been eliminated.

Sounds harmless to most. A person's wishes being upheld at the cost of someone's ego in admitting they were wrong for having said thing around in the first place. A good example of this is religious material like that of the Jesus v.s. Mohammad fighting game. Here we naturally have some religious persons who are offended at the content (namely their religious icon) and wish for the game to be banned due to their wishes.

Okay sure. The game is a bit tasteless. I also tend to think there are tasteless things out there as well such as reality television show. Greatly offended by these types of shows. Regardless I uphold the right for others to enjoy them despite my belief that it's annoying dribble. In perspective those who are offended at the religious fighting game should stand for the same principle.

Look. Your ego doesn't need (and shouldn't be) stroked every minute of the day. Furthermore your ability to not understand that your belief is just part of a large group of beliefs hinders your overall progress in how you understand the way our society works.

I feel these people should be informed of how their ego poisons themselves and the rest of the world. By asking society to conform to their wishes I believe they make it easier to conform to other group's opinions that use their belief structure to rally support. Let's say for example someone supports measures against gay marriage. You happen to agree with this person and want them to fight for your belief structure.

The thing is that this person also happens to a very corrupt individual in the sense that he steals or accepts bribes from shady organizations. However, to those who support his fight won't want to see that. Why? Because he's got you by the chain. He's stroking your ego and telling you everything he does is just and right therefore relieving him of the responsibility to act ethically because no matter what he knows you'll confide in him due to his concept of fighting for an egotistical belief system you support.

My point is the more egotistical your belief the more likely you are to follow blindly with those who support a similar belief structure into whatever abyss they lay out. Only by giving everyone the right to believe what they want without infringing on others rights and belief will you be able to critically evaluate each person despite their crusades. The reason being is you won't feel 'star struck' or over joyed when they tell you what you want to hear about how they're fighting for your favorite belief. It's easy to put somoene on a soap box and glorify them but it could end up costing you.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Out With The Old. In With The New

Sixty years ago, digital computers made information readable. Twenty years ago, the Internet made it reachable. Ten years ago, the first search engine crawlers made it a single database. Now Google and like-minded companies are sifting through the most measured age in history, treating this massive corpus as a laboratory of the human condition. They are the children of the Petabyte Age.
Continue reading about how the theory is becoming obsolete at

Tuesday, March 24, 2009 works!

I've had a pretty introspective set of revelations recently. All due to my confidence.

Let me explain.

Within a month I talked to two girls whom I've been friends with for years. These girls live in Ilinois and back when I did as well there was a time where I felt like I wanted a relationship with them however I was so under confident that I couldn't muster the courage to go beyond friendship. So, when I talked to both of them they both were really surprised that I had felt that way and just thought I was either not interested in them or a private person. Amazingly revealing! They both were interested in me at the time as well!

So it turns out a lot of people saw the side of me that I was blind to: my private side. I used my privacy to mask my under-confidence, and I did it well. Damn. Wow.

Who knows who else this was the same with. I can think of a few but I won't ever see them again probably. All I know now is my confidence has increased ten fold.

The question is. What sparked it? I can think of a few things. One thing is the job i'm at I've had to learn confidence in order to be productive with customers and training agents. I think what I was forced to learn on the job just leaked out into my outside life.

Another thing, more controversially, may have been this time I took a tablet of E. I was alone and I was thinking about my life and why I wasn't achieving certain goals and it dawned on me how much confidence plays a role in our lives in order to get what we want. In fact I began to see how much someone looks more intelligent when they have confidence. It was an Earth shattering point in my life.

Whatever it was i'm glad it happened. I can't imagine going back to the self I was.